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I recently saw Elizabeth Gilbert the amazing author of "Eat Pray Love" on Super Soul Sunday and had to write down something she said that rocked my world and shook my heart.
She said, "All my demons and all my monsters I've been carrying around forever, the light came through. Oh they're not demons, they're not monsters, they're not dragons. I've been making them more grandiose than they are. They're just the orphaned parts of of me. They're just the fear-fullest, most young terrified parts of me. They are scared to death! And they are throwing temper tantrums because of their fear and now I have to tell them that it's going to be OK and they will all go to sleep. I am the mother of all these parts of me.
This blew my mind. Something in me released and let go.
She goes on to say "...I remember just sort of ascending above them all and just saying I love you fear and now you go to sleep. I love you anger, you're a part of me. Go to sleep. It's fine. I'm in charge now. I love you shame, even you come into my heart. Go to sleep. You're safe. I love you. I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving you. I can't. You're a part of the family. You can never be away from me. I love you failure. (That's the one that got me. OMG!) Come into my heart. You're so tired. You're so scared. You're just children. You don't know how the world works. I love all of you. I have space for all of you and together we're just going to go forward now. But Mommy's driving now and Mommy is the part of who can embrace everything I am."
It's pretty obvious Elizabeth Gilbert has done a lot of work and soul searching. Her book "Eat Pray Love" took the world over. I've taken to following her on Facebook, reading her quotes from the recent tour she did with Oprah. I resonant with her like a soul sister.
I also believe our troubled parts and the worst experiences of our time down here on Earth, are the biggest opportunities for redemption and freedom, for growth and transcendence. I also LOVE that she says Joseph Campbell, one the greatest teachers and mythologists of all time, is wrong to not include women as heroes. You GO GIRL!
Healing and restoration began in my troubled part of town the moment I heard her say, "I love you failure. Come into my heart. Rest, you are so tired." The rescue team arrived with food and supplies. The streets were going to be cleaned up. Blankets for warmth, comfort and security were available if needed. I am very familiar with the troubled child in me that says I must be doing something, and trying to make something important happen.
She wants to be all things to everyone and always do "the right thing". She says you haven't started the next album. What songs will go on them? How many do you have so far? She says you haven't done any vlogs lately. When will you get back to that so you can help people?
I decided to really connect with her in meditation. I wanted to get to know her, see her and feel her. The rescue had begun. What does she look like? What is she wearing? What's her mental state? How does she feel and why? I asked to be led to her and guided from above. What was her name?
Hearing Elizabeth's words made me want to make contact with her, love her and give her sanctuary. She was tired. Her hair and clothes were dirty, and she looked disheveled. She was holding doll that looked dirty and disheveled too. She needed attention and nurturing. I saw what happened and why she looked this way.
I could feel her bottomless sense of defeat and deep pain. She would never measure up, no matter what she did. She could never do enough to ease that pain. But she would try, well into adulthood.
Because of her pain, and troubled mind and heart, I have always wanted to help people be free of the past and transcend it. Life is meant to be appreciated and lived with freedom, love and creativity. We don't have to be slaves of our past, of the thoughts in are heads, or our supposed futures.
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Even when you think you've found a home for all your lovely little monsters, they will need attention. Something will come up, something will get triggered. We are free when we give our troubled parts a safe and secure home. They deserve our time, respect and attention too.
"F" the part of me from childhood who holds failure and still feels that way sometimes, now has a Princess name. She needs one of the best rooms in my house. She deserves sanctuary and rest. She gets the "Princess Room" in the quietest and safest place in the house. She needs space, and room to breathe, dream and create from joy...not just pain.
Because she is totally protected, accepted and loved, her "should-be's" (because they still come up) are creative ideas and options. They just need a bit of guidance from Mommy the heroine, who is in charge.
XoTatiana
www.tatianascavnicky.com
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