It's easy to get caught up in the drama of life and the issues that surface, as life does. I think it's human nature. We lean on ourselves and what we think we should do, or not do about something. We toil and turn over things we can't change in the blink of any eye, or a turn of the wrist. Saying you're sorry can take a while to reach someone. A lifetime of smaller surface ripples to the tidal wave sized events like saying goodbye, losing your job and getting sick will alter the course of a life.
It's a supernatural feat for a Virgo Sun (everything is fixable) - Gemini Rising (let me count the many ways this can be done and executed) - Aquarius Moon (the world is fixable) to step back and let things be. I am learning. Yet I think I know the world. I know most things that I am really twisted over, do ask something from me. My spirituality has taught me I cannot know the deeper mystery of how and why things happen, so I need to get myself out of the way so the supernatural can do it's thing.
I also need to get that I can give my twistedness, my frustration and stress over to my Higher Power. What do you call yours? I call mine God♡Goddess.
Spirituality says relying on ourselves, means we are not relying on our Higher Power. I used to have a really hard time with that. Did that mean not doing or saying anything? God will handle your business. God will magically have the perfect company that makes CD covers call me at home. Relying on your Higher Power sounded lazy to me. Who's going to handle things? What needs to be said or done, and where do I start? How can I just let go of the pain or frustration of a fight with a family member? Or the ending of a very special friendship? Emotionally, letting go means I don't care or I am not invested or I am lazy. I need to do something and often that something is ruminating; worrying and thinking about it over and over.
The image above is from my latest trip to Kona. I borrowed my chair borrowed from a friend for my stay and brought it to Honaunau, the City of Refuge. I went there to release and have a coming to G♡G moment. I needed to take refuge in the dead white coral sand and stones, many of them the shape of hearts. Under an unforgettable tree at the waters edge, in the place where all can be forgiven and forgotten, I surrendered to the most challenging and difficult three years of my life.
I developed anxiety on stage, the place I feel the most safe and in my bliss, and had to take time off from performing. That felt like it was happening to me. Moving, starting over, my Mother dying, who I did not have a good relationship with, and the Flood in 2014 which ruined my basement and most of AngelEarth Studio just happened. And on some level the anxiety as much as I think I created it, happened to. I didn't ask for that.
The Big Island was G♡G calling me to take refuge and yield to all that had happened. I asked for a new beginning, still raw and nervous to sing and emotionally in between crises. I simply could not start over by myself. I could not push it, make it happen, turn back time or turn it forward, so I asked for help.
We are not what's happening to us. If you are going through something really hard right now, I hope you have found a safe haven and place to rest in these words and in this mantra. We belong to something greater and we can take shelter in knowing that. May you feel it down to the marrow of your bones.
XoTatiana
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